DEVELOPING EMPATHY

Parshas Vayaishev

This week’s parsha, Vayaishev, begins discussing the brother’s hatred toward Yoseph. Yoseph’s brothers thought that he was attempting to be Yaakov’s only succeeding son, as Yitzkak succeeded Yishmael and as Yaakov succeeded Aisev (because Yoseph would tell Yaakov when his brother’s transgressed the Torah, making them deserving of capital punishment—their transgressions are arguable however, seeing that the Torah was not yet officially given).

Now, Yaakov’s son’s thought that Yoseph was a pretender to the throne. They thought he spoke lashon hara and needed to be put to death. We have to remember, these men were tzaddkim- righteous men- and they thought they were doing a mitzvah by plotting against Yoseph. Their intentions were leshaim shemayim- for the name of Hashem. However, they were extremely quick to judge the legitimacy of Yoseph’s behavior. Rather, than judging him favorable, they made the worst possible judgment about him, a judgment that caused the brothers to sell him to the Egyptians!

This should shed some light onto all of us. In life, we tend to make quick judgments about people, whether they are righteous or not. We may hear lashon hara- gossip- spoken about other people, and be too quick to assume the worst. Moreover, our evil inclination is so excited to hear something negative about someone, reaffirming that we are better. Even if the rumors are true, that never gives us the right to judge.

No matter where we stand religiously, we must all take a stand to correct our behavior and not let the truth be distorted by our envious evil inclination.

What is the truth you may ask? The truth is that we are all created in the image of G-d. We all have a G-dly soul that desires to be good and do good. We must always take into consideration that a person behaves the way he does for a reason—he is a product of his environment and he is letting that be a determining factor of his behavior.

Next time, before you are quick to judge someone’s inappropriate behavior, etc., keep in mind that his G-dly soul wants better, he just has not developed that part of himself; however, he does in fact have a G-dly light that shines within him, he just needs the light to be turned on.

How can this light be turned on you ask? Be the one to ignite the spark! Instead of assuming the worst, try to be more empathetic  For example, it’s early and you have not had your coffee yet, and the barista at the coffee shop is being rude to you, in your tired irritable mood, you immediately make a judgment about the him being a terrible person. Rather than assuming the worst, try to put yourself in that person’s shoes (as much as you possibly can) and realize, hey, it’s early and he is probably tired and irritable too.

You can also take a moment and think rationally before you let your evil inclination make irrational conclusions, ‘I have had a bad day before and acted even crazier, and I am not a terrible person (I hope you all hold yourselves in high esteem).’ Rather, you can ask the barista how he is doing (you will be surprised by how effective a small gesture of kindness will go). Yes, I know, this is a basic example, but once you adopt this mentality in as many situations as possible, your outlook on life will change, and you will be a spark that kindles souls. Your developed empathy will protrude onto others and you will truly make a difference in the lives of others, but most importantly in yourself. Developing your empathy is key for seeing a G-dly soul in all people.

Bitachon is the Best way to go

The parsha continues discussing the selling of Yoseph as a slave in Egypt. Yoseph ends up working for the Pharaoh, Potifar. While he was enslaved to him, Potifar’s wife, Zulaicha, was advised by an astrologer that her descendents would come from Yoseph’s lineage. Thinking that she was the person to create this lineage, she started to seduce Yoseph (the astrology was correct; however, it was her daughter that was meant to marry Yoseph, not her).

When Yoseph refused her, seeing that it would be an adulterous act, Zulaicha told her husband that Yoseph had in fact been the instigator. Of course, the issue was settled and Potifar eventually found out the truth about Yoseph’s innocence; nonetheless, he needed to spare him and his wife the embarrassment.

While serving his ten year sentence in jail, Yoseph met Potifar’s butler and baker, who were jailed because Potifar found a pebble in his bread and a fly in his wine.

One morning, the butler and baker awoke and desperately needed their dreams  interpreted. After listening to their dreams, Yoseph predicted that the butler would be saved, and the baker would be killed. When Yoseph’s predictions came true (Hashem always makes the pronouncements of a tzaddick come true) Yoseph told the butler to tell the Pharoah that he was innocent and to release him from the dungeon.

The butler was dedicated to fulfill Yoseph’s word; however, everyday, the butler would somehow forget. In actuality, Hashem had sent an angel to prevent that from happening. Hashem was upset that Yoseph put his trust in the butler to save him and not in Hashem to save.  Hashem was trying to make a point to Yoseph that government officials are forgetful and disinterested in helping you, but it is Hashem who will save you.

In life, we too forget to look to Hashem to be saved. We lose sight of Hashem being the ruler of the world. We let the craziness of our lives get the best of us and forget that everything that happens has been destined by Him for us. Any harm, any luck any happiness, any sadness that befalls us is all from Hashem. People who have wronged us, who have brought us joy, etc., are all merrily agents sent to us by Him to fulfill His Divine will. We need to develop our bitachon-trust in Hashem- and realize that we do not have control of what happens to us. Rather, we must know that Hashem is in control of all that happens to us. He is the only one who can redeem us from any misfortune we endure. Similarly, He is the only one who has bestowed His kindness upon us and given us all the amazing lives we live. We must develop our bitachon and realize that all the affairs of the world are manipulated by Hashem alone, and He is the only one who can alter our fate.

Developing your bitachon exercises:

1.      Internalize this: We have been sent on a journey and the only thing we can control is our thoughts, actions, and speech.

2.       We do not have control over how other people treat us, but we do have control over how we treat them.

3.       We don’t have control over what other people say to us, but we have control over how we react.                                                                                       Hashem sends us all these tests to develop our character traits—next time someone says or does something mean/disrespectful, rather than fighting evil with evil, fight it with kindness!